it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
