I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
