fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
