A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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