I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize