I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize