You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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