i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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