nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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