I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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