Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
