Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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