I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
