I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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