Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
