Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
