Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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