I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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