I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
