pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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