wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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