Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
