dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize