I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
