Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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