All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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