I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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