Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
A+ Viking dick
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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