Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
