Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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