if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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