Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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