Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
