I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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