The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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