Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
