How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
