the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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