garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
