Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
