Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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