I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
