I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
there is glitter all over my balls
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