when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
