Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think I sprained my soul last night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
