Me too!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
