we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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