He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
