don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
