I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
