I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
