I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize