Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
