One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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