i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
