I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
