I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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