Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
