What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
