He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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