The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
