I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
