so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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