we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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