were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
