Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize