haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
