There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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