I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
