trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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