you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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