I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
