I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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