I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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